Eternally and Hopelessly Optimistic

Seems like I haven't written in a long while - and checking the history of this yields an odd one month on, one month off pattern.

Regardless - here we are.

Work is going alternately well and not well. It's very odd, because at times I feel like it's the greatest job ever (most times actually) and some times I feel stagnant. Which is weird, because I've never had to consciously think about "moving forward" or "stagnation." School - or rather my interpretation of the school system was kind of like a conveyor belt. I was always moving forward.

Here - I'm not so sure sometimes. Am I getting by on the hobby that I love? Am I growing as a thinking? Are the things I AM learning simply about "the system" and not of real value? A big part of it is the lack of confidence I have. I suppose I should qualify that - it's not lack of confidence in general - just a lack of confidence I know what the fuck I'm doing. Gah, that doesn't express it at all.

I suppose I feel like I went into this whole thing being unsure of the decision - and in some ways I still am unsure. The fact that I've realize I want to be a hybrid, a generalist, a "Benny" and that is what I think the other job would've been certainly puts me in an interesting position. BUT if it works out the way I intend - it might have been worth the fight to bring about that kind of change in a larger agency.

It's all a very interesting experience to be sure. I need to go out and drink more - I haven't been doing nearly enough of it.

My life is full of media once again. I'm not sure I'll be able to get out from under it this time.

I wonder if I should feel as special/proud about the whole revolving door situation as I do. I wonder how odd it is - but at the same time wonder how much sway it has given me in comparison.

At time I feel like I don't trust Rose at all. But at other times she feels a lot more "free" and experimental than Kerry ever was. It's an odd thing.

I've been at 205 for the past FOREVER it seems like... but my body does seem to be changing. Again - I could stay at 205/36 forever... as long as this damn belly fat goes away. I wonder how low it'll have to go before I'm happy with it. I wonder if I'll EVER be happy with it. I think Cabarete was a step closer towards happiness in that department.

I'm making it my goal to make sure I don't have a fat kid. That shit fucks with your head WAAAAY too much. I don't blame anyone in particular. It just fucks with you. Its ironic (is it?) that I didn't realize this until I started losing weight.

And to think it all started with Swamp stairs. I wish I would've found them earlier. I wonder how different I'd be.

I want to go back to Gainesville and finish that. I think it'd be good for me, and obviously the opposite is true. Obviously.

Things in the bowl of the future: Japan with JET, Japan with Leo, Japan Period, Korea with Rumas, LA with Play, New York With Lani and Ron, Gainesville with Claudia and Geoff

The music I used to listen to is still kind of good. Interesting memories there.

I've realized something about me. Years of school and learning and doing and it's finally happened. I've figured out what was driving me all those years. It wasn't praise (although I certainly do get off on that a little bit). It wasn't the letters or the numbers received from those letters (as Ms. Houghton would certainly posit to be true). It's wasn't Mom or Dad or any of that.

It was the fact that I always need to be producing. And not just producing anything, but producing up to my standards. Production that breeds growth. Is that a special type of production? I'm not sure if it is or not, but I know the growth part is equally important to the production part. And (I'm doing what I almost never do here, going back a paragraph in my journal) this producing that breeds growth... its not only growth for me personally. It's production and growth that DOES something. That has value. That changes things. So lets be clear here:

I need to consistently produce.
I need to production that begets growth.
I need this production that begets growth to do something valuable.

Produce. Grow. Change Things.

Let's think about that for a moment and scratch that last one. Change isn't always good and all that gobbledy gook. Maybe it's making things better? Including myself? No no no. It's challenge. When I challenge myself it's inherently to make something better. The world, myself, wrongs that need to be righted. Anything that is worth doing is a challenge.

I've realized I have an inherent restlessness. Maybe it's just been excavated now, because of the fact that I have so LONG to "go." Go where? I'm not sure. And the funny thing is that my previous statements about always producing and always growing logically mean that I'll never get "there." This is a good realization, because it helps to drive forward what I need to "do" in the near future. And now I'm back, it feels weird to be back down here... I suppose that's why I almost never do it. But it was important enough to go back to. I may be writing my life mantra up there. Maybe.

So we've got produce, grow, challenge, and never rest.

I like those. Those stand well besides Hakuna Matata.

So I'm putting a lot of emphasis on this holiday break, because it'll be, quite literally a break. I think "home" may be my decision making place. I suppose that's conditioning for you. Looking back up there, never rest is a little severe. Maybe, never settle is what I'm going for? Nope. Stay restless does the job just fine... although "never rest" doesn't translate well.

Anyways, I think I've run out of good writing for the night. Meh. I suppose a life mantra will do that to you.

Produce. Grow. Challenge. Stay Restless.

That'll do donkey, that'll do.

It strikes me that people read this... still read this... and maybe even find it (it wouldn't be that hard...) I've said it before and I think I'll say it again, this is mainly for me in 10 years. I suppose that my previous policy of no "privacy" had already been broken (and I'm sure I'll be sharing that journal entry soon enough)... so I've gone ahead and made some concessions to that policy. After all, when discussing my life I'm pretty sure I'll be discussing my job... and no need to risking any "hurt feelings" or "pink slips." Minor mistakes indeed.

A small lunchtime update. Who knew Hilliary was wrong. That makes me pretty damn good at reading people, and has some pretty interesting concequences in my mind. Ha. Back to WORK!

I've "grown up" a lot but I'm still fucking kid. I love it. I'm going to miss Claudia, a lot. It's funny how dreams persist regardless of the situation you're in. Granted my Japan dream is still very much alive and well (perhaps moreso than with JET currently).

Things I am Insanely Excited About (A List By Benny Torres)

1. My JOB
2. Moving into my new (first) apartment
3. Christmas in the City
4. Running next to Lake Michigan again
5. The Big Three
6. GATOR FOOTBALL.
6a. Watching Gator Football with the Windy City Gators. :)

It's all a bit to much. !!!!!!

I wanted this journal to look a little bloggier. I'm not sure anybody reads it... but I suppose thats all the more reason to make it look how I want.

So I sit here, and I should be scared.

I should be sitting in this, my temporary room, scared out of my mind. Moving to a city where I know no one. Starting a career I only know about scholastically. Working on what I think my dream account is. This is it... no crutches, no band-aids, no second chances or safety nets. This, for all intents and purposes, is the real world.

I should be shivering, not because of the cold in Michael's old room (which was always colder than mine... regretably so) but because I have no idea how I'm going to get food. And my first thought when I touch down in Chicago is getting a new television (Samsung 19 inch HDTV, still haven't decided if I want black or white). And because I know nothing about riding trains, or getting to Ultimate Frisbee games on Thursdays, or the slightest idea about what I'm going to be doing in 10 weeks.

But I continuously and against all logic am excited. Slightly sad, as is always the case when one is packing up there things and "leaving" somewhere. But eternally and unabashedly EXCITED.

Maybe the world is waiting around the corner with a tire iron, ready to hit me in the gut and steal my new Samsung Television and my bookbag full of videogame consoles... but I don't think so.

I keep on waiting to be like everyone else seems to be. "Normal." And the "older" I get, the more I realize that I cannot be normal. I'm not cut out for normal. 9 to 5 doesn't have to be normal. Inevitability is not inevitable.

I keep on saying I'm going to work my ass off in Chicago, but the truth of the matter is I don't know what that means exactly... but I'm going to do whatever it takes. Just like I'm going to do whatever it takes to get to Japan. And just like I'll do whatever it takes to get my Masters and continue to learn. Life is beautiful because although it is fleeting, it's also insanely long.

It's not a matter of OR right now, but a matter of AND. This realization obviously excites me. AND what? Hell if I know, hell if I'll ever know.

And I plan to keep it that way.

I'm out like trout tomorrow kids. 4 crazy, insane, absolutely astounding years. I'm a little scared to go, but I'd be scared if I wasn't scared. For now... the little things... like packing up my car so that all the stuff that needs to fit in it, you know, FITS.

I hope Geoff wakes up tomorrow and calls me... not doing that would NOT be good.

It's nice to know I haven't changed that much.

Still the random ass kid who watches Futurama and uses ellipses too much.

That's really, really comforting.

G'bye Gainesville. G'bye College (for now... maybe). G'bye life as I know it.

'ello adventure.

XD

I am scared, for every reason and for no reason. Something big is ending, and I'm not sure I've defined exactly what it is. Is it my childhood? My youth? My idealism? My passion? My dreams?

I DON'T KNOW.

I don't know and where that has always excited me it scares me. Because not knowing has always been fun up until now. Not knowing was fine, and okay, and young, and stupid. And I want to not know. But I feel like I should know. And feeling like I should know scares the crap out of me.

I really want Japan, and I don't know why. I don't want to be normal. I don't want 9 to 5. But does 9 to 5 have to be normal? What kind of misconceptions do I have about the "real world." Plenty, I'm sure.

I remember that going into the UF experience I thought it was going to be all liquor and nothing else. How wrong was I? How quickly was a proven wrong? How amazing is it that I can look back at that very specific poolside thought 4 years ago and see how WRONG I was. How amazingly, absolutely, astounding incorrect I was about my experiences here and everything that would accompany them.

I love this school. I love this campus. It has a life about it, a pulse... and living within it has made me unwittingly become tuned into this pulse. Does everywhere have a pulse? Is everywhere as wonderfully detailed, with nooks and crannies to appreciate? Does everywhere have somewhere magical like the Swamp or somewhere comfortable like Geoff's couch with Maverick licking at your heels?

I think anywhere I go will have that. Friendships will be made. Bonds will form. Some bonds will break, but these bonds are strong. These are bonds formed on independence. Bonds formed not because of social groupings or by mere proximity... but bonds formed on choice. They will last.

As much as I love the physical space I currently occupy, I can't stay here forever. I'm an adventurer... and where ever I end up is a new land. Japan would be amazing, but it's not necessary to become an adventurer. I can soak in Chicago culture just as I did with UF culture. Sure, Japanese culture would certainly be more interesting and different to soak in, but so what?

I've truly got my whole life ahead of me. I'm young, and I'll always been young. I'll always be pumbaa, a goof ball, like Joel's Mom...

Grownup stuff may swirl around me, may impact me, may freak me the fuck out... but I'll be young. I can do nothing BUT be young.

I'll be lonely, I'll be awkward, I'll miss places and things at times. But I'll fucking thrive. Because that's what I do. My dreams are constantly shifting, changing, and morphing. If I want to go to Japan, I can go to Japan. I need to seperate JET and Japan.

I'm calmer now. The tears have dried. The scale has, tentatively, evened out. I can certainly completely fuck up my life. But I could've done that the past 4 years. And I didn't. And I'm wiser, but not older. I know more, but I crave more.

I think I'm good at school, but I think I'm just good at learning. There is always something to learn... because even when there isn't there is always yourself. I'm not going to become anything I don't want to become... because I am me. I'm Benny. Goofy, happy-go-lucky, random ass Benny.

Just because I'm losing my surroundings doesn't mean I'm losing my identity. It is not college that has made me carefree, random, or goofy. It is my college experience that has reflected those aspects in me.

Mario in a business suit?

In the past month...

JET is still on hold (I'm an alternate until Oct.)
I turned town 2 offers for the original offer (NINTENDO!)
I've lost a bit more weight. I'm about 223-225 now. Wanna try to get under 220 for graduation.
Love life has been turned upside down, but I'm not complaining... I'm better for it.
I need to find housing for Chicago for 10 weeks.
I didn't meet my savings goal (oh well...)
I've gotten a lot more music.
I'm excited, scared, curious, but mainly excited.
Campaigns is almost over. Tuesday is d-day, I want to win more than I'm willing to admit.
A human being (a single one) made a really really big impact on the world.

I've grown so much, yet I'm still much the same. I think "maturity" is only realizing exactly who you are and why. For some reason people think you have to "grow up" to be mature... and I don't think that I'm every going to do that. I'm Benny... and I'm still a fucking kid. I think it's because I'm an eternal optimist. I'm an idealist. Look, I don't want that to ever end. Youth is idealism. It is reality untainted by reality. It is joy... and I am joyful.

I still haven't watched those movies I was supposed to. How long is the flight to Chicago. I bought a PSP, because I said to myself I can make mistakes because I'm young. But I'll be young forever... so I suppose I'll be making mistakes forever.

I don't get it. I'm doing things that I love, why do I get rewarded for that? Can it be exceptional if it is par for the course for yourself? If your norm is everyone elses hardwork... what is your hardwork? What could you accomplish with that?

My car needs gas, and once again I find myself in a fucked financial position. I wonder what it'll be like when I have a real job. $35k a year could not dissuade me from a dream. I don't have to hope that I made the right decisions, because I know that I did.

NINTENDO. NINTENDO. NINTENDO. Unbelievable. Holy crap. I won't believe it until I'm looking at it and immersed in it. I hope the little kid inside doesn't skew my skills in anyway. I hope I don't love the client I'm working for so much that I fuck up in some way. It's going to take both confidence and humility.

It scares me that the Japanese-dream may be slowly dying. Its completely out of my hands at this point, but I wonder how I could fit a year or two of Japan in my life somehow. Is this something for the hands of God to weave? I suppose I still believe that it's possible, although God's hands have merged with fates winds for me.

I should call Jen. And Sarah. But I want something else. I should Megan. But I want someone else. Am I too picky? Is time eroding away at me like water on a rock? I think I'm beginning to give, but I haven't yet. Geoff's certainly not helping, but then again look what he has had on his plate. Bastard. ;)

I'm not scared, but I am scared. It's a good feeling.

I bought Pokemon today. I'm 22. I have to giggle a little at that.

What am I going to do with myself after Tuesday? Get back to work, that's what. Resume needs to be updated and tweaked. Housing needs to be figured out. Finances have to be figured out. Holy crap, I'll have my own apartment. A whole new city with all new people. I'm going to need to find a friend or 10. I kind of hope I get an offer there, that's certainly the goal. Should Japan be on my mind?

Desk shift is coming up soon. I'm going to play Pokemon. Fuck you for judging me. :)

I'm really... REALLY over living in the dorms. It only took 4 years. I wonder if it'd be this way if I lived in the Murph. Probably not. What I wouldn't do for mature residents, a working air conditioner and a bathroom only shared by 6 other people.

Maybe it's just my eternal optimism... but life has never been beter. Everything... EVERYTHING seems to be falling into place. I just got an offer for a summer internship with Nintendo at Leo Burnett in Chicago. It's only an internship, but it's NINTENDO. It's LEO BURNETT, one of the biggest agencies in the world. It's Chicago, which EVERY SINGLE PERSON I have spoken to has said is amazing.

I'm losing weight. Not in a quick, crazy way... but in a consistent, healthy way. I'm making "healthier" decisions... which basically boils down to not much. I think I'm becoming addicted, or at least used to, working out. It's like a videogame, but in real life. The principles of "leveling up," making incremental steps towards goals... is there. And it's addiciting for stress relief.

My love life is picking up, and hopefully this Friday will pick up a bit more. I'm sure I won't reach that goal before my birthday... but I'm sure as hell going to try to get close.

School is going well enough, although at this point School = Campaigns... nothing else really matters. The fact that I'm getting so passionate about a RIB SHACK when I don't eat ribs is pretty humorous to me. I'm made for advertising.

JET Interviews went bad, then good, then decent, and now ?. This Nintendo thing has my head spinning, and I have people hoping I don't get Japan... so I don't have to make a tough choice. Then again, my cheerleaders are hoping I can have my cake and eat it too. My mom screamed, Yolanda screamed. I screamed and jumped and residents ran into my room wondering what the hell was going on.

I need to watch The Prestige, and Little Miss Sunshine, and Babel, and The Departed.

Regina Specktor has gotten better over the past 24 hours. I wonder what the future holds... and how long it can hold it for. It certainly is electrifying.

So I made a deal with my immune system, and made it promise not to make me a sniffling, sneezing, mucus-filled mess when it came time to be a professional and launch my career. My immune system obliged, and I stayed healthy throughout my stay in NY. I even stay healthy a couple days back. But now, like a ton of bricks... the mucus returns after a (very very small) intermission. My immune system better deal with this shit before JET interviews.

So, wow. What a relevatory experience. This past week was truly a revelation. For one, advertising is for me... I mean at least I believe that it is MORE for me now than before. The people that I met this week at MPMS were all really cool, and if those are the best of the best in my (hopefully) future industry... then awesome.

Furthermore, most of the recruiters were awesome as well. Creative, young, vibrant, even when they were older. Advertising is an exciting business to be in, lots of work... but lots of fun.

Also, JOBS! I think there is a high possibility that I will have quite a few offers if I want them. And I want them more than ever, but JET interviews are ever looming. Although I like to kid myself and think that if I get everything I want it'd be an easy deiscion... I'm not sure it would be. It's ironic that the things that made me more unsure about my desicion also made me more sure. I'd be a great employee. I'd be an asset to any company... and I'm skilled and personable enough that I will be able to choose where I'll work. Obviously, I'm a young shit and don't know my ass from an advertisment at this point. But I'm a quick learner. So If I DO get JET and get an amazing advertising internship.job... I'm sure the latter will always be there... while the former will not.

Also, I was able to possibly make one of those important connections with what is possibly my dream job. Working on the Nintendo account at Leo Burnett. It's certainly be a way to start a career.... but I'm not getting my hopes up yet. I will say that Leo Burnett is where I'd love to end up, at least at this point. I feel like I made some great connections there, and the only issue would be that it's a bit far... especially if the first thing I get is a summer internship. Regardless, I have faith that my parents will help me... and if they don't its not like I have student debt or anything. I can afford to take out a student loan at this point... if need be.

On the girl front, things are going really well... and ironically enough set to explode on the week of Valentines day. I suppose I'll see what I'm doing on that fateful night, but I certainly have a few ideas. Crap, I just realized that I have to send in a call report tomorrow. Ugh, I guess I'll wake up at 11. Blech.

-Peace

So I had a crap load of goals last semester, and I'm fairly satisfied with most of them. My nightlife and romance goals were basically accomplished, which is pretty damn good. Although I didn't technically go on 4 dates with 4 different girls, I can honestly say that there is SOMETHING happening with at least a couple of girls... which falls in line with the spirit of the goals. Also, MarketStreet has assured that my nightlife is as spicy as ever. (Spicy? WTF?) As far as my "future" goes, I've lined it up so that internship and JET are now priority one. I've accomplished the goals of getting those applications out and having positives returns on them... now I just have to seal the deal. 4cr continue to be one of my passions, so that's good. I certainly didn't quit marching band (and reaped the benefits of that) and did a fairly decent job of RAing. I failed miserably at my financial goals, which kind of scares me (only because I consistently fail at them) but I'm not in debt and I'm not asking my parents for money... which comparitively is pretty damn good for a college student I suppose. I'm going to lessen my financial goals this semester, so that I can frikken attain them realisically. Anyways, on to the goals!

1) Keep the floor in control and be an adequate RA. Be moderately good at programming, but don't go nuts.

2) Be well-rested and prepared for ALL upcoming interviews. (JET, MAIP, MPMS, etc.)

3) Knock Campaigns out of the PARK. The goal is to WIN.

4) Successfully have at least $1000 in the Savings account (without having debt and not using that 1K for trips)

5) Send resumes/feelers to specific companies or agencies you are interested in. This is mainly for videogames companies, and this much be done by mid-March (so if there are any interviews, you can make it to them).

6) Get the bench-press up to a solid 85 pounds.

7) Lose another 7-10 pounds. This means weight hovers around the 233 point.

8) Continue going to Market Street and doing smaller things on the weekend.

9) Drink more beer. ;)

10) Girls, girls, girls. Step it up, shake off the shyness, be even more proactive about them. Dates aren't necessary, but cool if it goes that route.

11) Continue to be active with 4cr.

12) Get nothing less than a B in any specific classes.

13) GRADUATE! :)

14) Take more pictures!

15) Finish Okami, FF12, and Bully.

16) Have multiple options for my future and decide on which one to take in April!

Let's see how that works. It's now strikes me that I won't have an arbitrary point to set my goals at next semester. Which is scary and awesome at the same time. Here's to the last semester.

So look, socially, physically, and partially myself wants to fuck you. Because you're hot. And you're so horny for me that I make you dance like an idiot. But I can't. That's the other part of me. The moral part of me, the me part of me. Fuck society and my penis... I know what my limits are. I'd be tricking myself into thinking you're going to be the only hot one... when all signs around me point to a different sign. So sorry, you're hot... and maybe we'll hook up a little... but I'm not that guy.

And you. You made me feel something I haven't felt for a long, long time. Maybe ever... in true fashion. Jealousy. You're what I want. I mean sure, you are what I want... but you're also indicative of the feeling that the paragraph above you is not. I really wonder if you're just friendly. I wonder if you think there is a chance. I wonder what you wonder... and I wonder if it would ever be possible. Ever.

And who the hell are you? I mean I know you wanted to dance with me, so I obliged... but I mean... can we do something other than rock side to side. I know I'm cute, and I know I'm a decent dancer... but mix it up a bit. I suppose being too drunk to keep your eyes open is excuse enough.

And where did you come from? I mean, a long stare across from the bar... are we in a movie? And then you do it again, like we're REALLY in a movie? And THEN when I offer to buy you a drink, you tell me what you're having but then say you'll get it for free. Huh? Not that it matters, but you know.

And you... I think you know, I mean you'd be stupid not to know. Although I think I did a decent job of acting differently today, but then again you really didn't see the sideways glances that give me hope. I mean, if it ever happens I hope you would understand. It probably won't, so we have nothing to worry about. But it might, and then we might. And then I may have to decide if whether or not it is worth giving up 2.5am talks about shaking hands. It probably won't come to that, and I'm sure if it did... I'd chose correctly.

Oh. Im three for three with applications. I got interviews with MAIP and JET (!!) and I also got that MPMS thing as well. The future, tentatively, looks bright.

Once again I find myself sleep deprived, miles above the earth, and with the urge to write. Oddly enough, I'm finding myself editing as I write... which I never do for this journal. I suppose that the occasion is simply so big that it requires a little more tact than simple random thoughts.

My hours of practice. My daily reading and analysis of college football. My early Saturday mornings and raspy Sunday afternoons. The tears of a blocked field goal. The frustration of new leadership and new ways. The return to an instrument long forgotten, and never really remembered for 3 years. All. Worth. It.

The University of Florida Gator Football Team. 2006 BCS National Champions.

And not by a small margin. Not by the skin of our teeth as we have done in the past. Not "dirty" or without style points. We're talking about a massacre. I don't usually like to pull the Southern card, I've never felt southern at all. But we showed the nation that football in the south is something to be contended with.

OHio State started out the game with a gentlemens slap of the glove. And the Gators responded with a sucker punch directly to the face. OSU couldn't even put up an arm to defend itself.

This was a game of disbelief. I, along with almost everyone else had bough somewhat into the hype. I always knew that my Gators had a chance, that we were going to put up a damn good fight against the undefeated No. 1 team in the nation. I knew it was going to be a close game. So when OSU started out the game with a kickoff return for a touchdown... I was understandably concerned. In my mind, the score went from an overtime situation... to a touchdown loss situation. I knew the punt return was a fluke, but I wondered if we'd be able to bounce back. I thought this was a sign of OSUs readiness... of their speed. I was wrong.

And when we marched down the field on the first offensive drive... making OSU's defense look like Western Carolina's... I realized how wrong I was. I knew we had control of the game on that first offensive drive. And my position was cemented when we made the Heisman-trophy winner look like a little punk. McFadden is to Arkansas as Smith is to OSU. We made both look like absolutely horrific football players.

At the end of it all we were left with a 41-14 football game. As someone in the drumline put it, "Ohio State has 82 yards of total offense. The band had more yards in our pregame extravaganza." Needless to say, I'm excited... although still slightly in disbelief.

I also realized some things about the band. Our band. Say what you will about the music we play and the things we do (or don't do) on the field. But when the announcer at the pregame show used Ohio States "Tradition and History" as a foil for our "Enthusiasm and Excitement" he wasn't kidding. The Gator Band may not be the most skilled band out their, but we play our asses off and... perhaps more importantly... use the crowd more than any other band out there.

The crowd at the championship was probably 35/65 in OSUs favor... but it certainly didnt seem like it. Almost every song that we play in the stands involves the fan... and it keeps people in the game and makes us seem larger than we actually are. It is this fantastic play off each other that makes my time here at the Gator Band seem so special. I've always told people that its a different feeling to be in the band, to have that relationship with the fans and the game... and I understand that now more than ever.

I almost still don't believe it to be completely honest. Its hard to believe that in my time here at the University of Florida we have become the first school in Division 1A history to hold both the football and basketball national championships at the same time. All I know is that, as always, it's great. To be. A Florida Gator.

This last semester is going to be a helluva launch pad to the next stage of my life.

Good friends are good friends.

These thoughts are in no way coherent. I'm on a plane, lots of miles up in the air, and I'm tired.

Heroes is a great show, damn me for missing so many episodes. Las Vegas wasn't as sinful as I thought, but I suppose Cancun wasn't either. The best friends are those that you can't stand, and that can't stand you. The airplane was quick... maybe it's the altitude... or perhaps it was the 4 days. My headphone cable broke, but it's not broken. I enjoy working for 4cr. I really want the Japanese thing. I want to be scared when I realize I'm entering the real world. I always have a slight uneasiness on flights, I can't let this get the best of me. I love Macs. I'm going to be sleep deprived very soon, and that's probably not good with the history of sleep deprivation and a 4.5 hour trip ahead of me (not to mention band practice all day). I'm really excited about the National Championship game, especially considering the game that preceded it in Glendale. An underdog is the best thing to be... I suppose that's not true if you're a hopeless underdog, but I suppose underdogs are never hopeless. I can't fall asleep on the plane, bus, or any other moving vehicle. I feel the like people have a conversation behind me are unequal in power, yet the conversation has persisted for far to long if one is above the other. Maybe I do make to many hoe jokes. I wonder if this randomness is how I actively thing or if I'm just putting on a show for the journal. This isn't going to be posted for a while, but I definitely deserved to be posted... even if it is post, post. Am I really as odd as I think I am... and does it turn others off? Why the insecurity? Especially when I'm getting better about it. I'm almost done with my scholastic life... I really hope I never stop learning. And not that "you learning something everyday" bull crap... but active, scholastic learning. I miss my Wii and my skateboard. I wonder where home will be in a year. Fuck that, in 8 months. I know it wouldn't have boded well for my moral ground... but I think it would've done wonders for my confidence. It should be doing wonders for my confidence now. The people behind me are still talking. I have gas. Maybe its the altitude. I can't wait to get back on my own diet. And I don't mean that as "weight loss" I mean that as me being in complete control of my food intake. Weight traiing should be hard but worth it... I hope I pick up the habit. Tae Kwon Doe... less so. Should I go skiing... probably not. Wow, that guy was really really old. I wonder where he flying from... although considering I'm coming from Las Vegas... I can probably assume he was one of those gambling old men that don't smile when they hit the big jack pot. I wonder if that's bitterness or wisdom. Maybe a little of both. God is in the silence. God is in the mountains. God is in the darkness of my introspection and he is beautiful. God is a connection... and I don't think it stops at simply human to human. This has been a really random post, but I suppose if I have the urge to write... I should write. I wonder if life is as simple as I make it. I certainly hope so, but know better. Someones watch is beeping like a movie bomb, it just stopped and if we were in a movie I'd be dead right now. I'm not and it didn't. Movie directors are fucking liars. If I was making a bomb, I certainly wouldn't make it beep... what good is that to me? Wow, it strikes me that I just wrote about making a bomb on an airplane... the irony (usage?) is delicious. I certainly hope the government hasn't figured out a way to read my yet to be posted journal in my non-connected laptop miles up in the air. I'd actually be pretty damn impressed if they did... when they came knocking on my door, I'd shake their hand and go... well played sirs... well played. Then I'd probably call Claudia, because I'm sure that is in someway an invasion of my privacy... and I'm pretty sure she would know what the fuck to do about it.

Wow... has the LJ interface gotten an upgrade or something? Regardless, I'm home... quite possibly (more like most definitely) for the last time for this extent of a time (correct english... maybe?). I feel like I haven't updated in forever, so this is going to be much more workmanlike than I'd like. You may want to stop reading now.

Well first... I suppose in the most important news of my semester... well I'll let my mom explain via an ad she took out in our local newspaper (yeah, yeah... I know).



So yeah, that's kind of life changing I suppose. I'll probably get a job offer from it (hopefully a couple) but as you know, it's hard to get excited for something like that when I would ideally like to be in Japan a year from now. I know I probably sound spoiled, and I'm completely honored at the... honor... but I suppose I'll be nervous/excited/pumped when it gets closer to game time. Before then I've gotta get some professional clothing worthy of my pimp heritage. ;)

Also, being home is rather nice. I'm get a lot of family time in and a lot of videogame time in (well, by videogame I mean Wii time in). The system is truly a revolution, I'm loving it, and I'm excited to see what it comes with next. Most recent excitement would be the absoultely amazing series of game they are releasing for download online on Christmas morning. They're all older "retro' games for the old systems... and there are about 3 or 4 of them that are FANTASTIC. So yeah.

Girls continue to elude me while continuing to entice me. I'm getting close to something, SOMEWHERE... I hope. Although I can't help but feel like the timing is off. This is probably going to be like what happen with Patty in high school. I relationship at the very end of a phase in my life. Relationships that go through transitions usually don't survive... although I suppose anyone that does is a strong one.

I went out for out annual "catch up" dinner.... where a bunch of people from high school and have a lil' reunion. the nice thing being that lately, there has been alcohol involved for all, so that's fun (although it was just as fun without alcohol... let that be a lesson for you kids out there!)

School ended VERY well. With a 3.66+ GPA (the + represents a lazy professor who didn't input grades in time... thus leaving me temporarily with a 0.00 GPA in a 0.00 credit class). I think I figured out that if I get an A in my final advertising class, I'll have a 3.497. That .003 away from Magna Cum Laude... but I think they'll give it to me anyways. I suppose we'll see. My monetary position is a lot better than I thought it was going to be. I think, THINK I'll be able to live up to my deal and save at least $1000 a semester... although I'll be cheating because my bankaccount will go from $0 savings to $2000 savings in 1 semester. Whatever, I have my entire life to save money.

I have a pimple right behind my ear, right above the tip of my glasses. It hurts, slightly. Lately I've been taken showers in the morning, mainly to not wake up the family. Fanpop didn't work with the wii Browser, but DID work with YouTube... WTF? I never realize how enticing 4cr makes me. I'm totally the techie "new media" guy for all these advertising recruiters... cool, because I live for the stuff. I genuinely hope that my honestly doesn't usually come off as meanness. Sure, I know some of my thougths are mean, but I never really mean to hurt anyone. Honest.

And, I'm done. I should take a shower, but I wont because I'm tired and I don't want to wake anyone up. Also, I'm listening to the Grey Album.... which is continuously getting better and better. WOW. Change Clothes is FANTASTIC. Damn music, being all good and stuff. Arctic Monkeys currently downloading.